sea24

What I’ve come to realize is the fact that nothing is supposed to come between me and the things that I truly care for.

No human that ruins my mental health.

Lately, there is too much conflict I my head regarding affection and whom I show it to. certain times, I am scared of showing it to the wrong people. I try my best to keep my emotions in check always, and I thought I was prepared this time to never get carried away by emotions.

But a few days ago, I met someone who I thought deserved my emotions and time, until there came a phase, where I felt ignored and ghosted. I didn’t understand it at first as my mind subconsciously started going in the direction of our conversations, making me re-read the things we both shared with each other in the chatbox.

I became a fool.

One time, I found myself staring at the fan in my room, thinking about this certain person, instead of my art works. usually, I stare at things thinking about my projects and what next I would like to create, every detail of it, but this time I was thinking of someone and their facial features. I’m stupid.

I’m so stupid.

So So Stupid.

I found myself checking my phone hundred times a day for their message. But, I remembered that the person only wanted me to get hooked to them, until I started giving my whole attention to them, so that they could feed their ego and eventually push me away with no explanation.

I tried my best to get back to my work. One time, I was doing my work, when I thought to myself, there is no one who forces me to create art, but I do it because its important to me and only me.

it really brought me back to my career and my creations. I felt emotionally for side-lining it while I gave my mind and thoughts to that person, who love-bombed me for a few days.

I decided to remove that person from my thoughts and my mind.

I decided to move on.

But then I had another realization. Remember when I said that I had a pretty good grip of my emotions, before I met this person?

and that I was prepared to meet people and not end up breaking my heart because of a human?

I guess, this was a lesson to me to notice and accept that it is okay to feel over-whelmed in love again, even after you thought that you are strong enough to not let emotions affect you.

this was a lesson to me to understand that emotions need to be felt and not all things always go your way, and sometimes I am going to disappointed and I need to accept that I may also get carried away in my emotions and that is completely okay.

it is completely okay to be heart broken for a new person, after you healed your heart form the past. we can never avoid how people would treat us, no matter how good we are to them. If someone wanted to break your heart, they would do it either ways.

But yes, one thing that you can always be in control of is how you heal from it. And understanding your boundaries and learning from experiences and relationships that didn’t work out in life. This time I was able to stop as soon as I realized that that person is not giving me the respect nd attention that I deserved.

if it would have been my past self, she would have tolerated this behavior and would have still continued being with someone who would continuously break her heart over an dover again till she completely broke from the inside. This time, I was able to put an end to it, before it had the chance to break me.

I decided to share this here, because I feel like in this age and era, more and more people are going through something similar and I just wanted to share my experience, of how I always thought that I would never let anyone break my heart again after my past intense break up, but it still happened, but I was able to stop it before reached an unbearable stage. and this time, I was also able to understand what I truly deserved and how if somebody wasn’t treating me well, then I simply accepted that that person was no meant for me.