sea24

This painting was made out of an impulse.

It was some random pictures drawn on a white wall, when I was really sad and feeling dark.

I didn’t like it when I made it. I hated it. It triggered all the emotions that I wanted to forget.

It reminded me constantly at how much pain I was at.

One day, my mother added a smile to the sad girl I had drawn in that painting. I forgave her, because I thought she was worried for me. And that she wanted me to be happy again. I didn’t want to concern her, so I ignored it.

But was it a mistake to have ignored that?

Two months later, I went out for a few days and when I returned, my mother had painted the entire wall, white.

That made me so furious, and I didn’t understand what to do. I was trying to find answers as to why someone would do such a terrible thing. As to wipe out a whole painting. SoI asked her, and she said that she didn’t like it , and was negative, so she painted it, and that it was no big deal and I shouldn’t overreact.

But what she doesn’t know is that, this painting was never ever negative. Never. That this painting only made me face it, face my fears, my past and made me grow out of it all.

That this painting that she wiped out was the only thing that had kept me alive that time. The only thing that had kept her daughter alive that night.

That this painting was the only thing which reminded me to never ever go back to the past, and to make a better life for myself and my family. To remove all the generational trauma. It was never negative from the very beginning.

It was something that helped me survive, only when I drew my everything out when communication felt useless.

Now the paintings gone, and the feelings with it.

And I am lazy again.

But I still smile and apologize, because i shouldn’t overreact.

I must always remember,

“ I should never ever overreact.”