sea24

When the world feels cruel,

With time everybody somehow manages to cope with it.

And sometimes the coping mechanism could lead to turning into a monster who still cares for the world somewhere, but believes that he doesn’t.

I am just like that.

Just like that.

My coping mechanisim, is to fight against everything that makes me hate myself.

I once hated myself, to an extent I thought:

If I died, would he regret saying things that he said to me, and something told me,

Humans get sad, and blame themselves, but then to come out of it they finally find something else to blame just to get out of the guilt, that had kept them low.

And he was a human too, he would forget about everything in a maximum of two months, and blame my dead soul when he wouldn’t b able to take it anymore.

“You think people are going to remember you forver, and reget saying things that they said to you all their lives, or for a change, would they change themselves?”

Yes, we are humans, and sometimes that is more sad. Because we always manage to move on, and that is our best coping mechanism.

We forget we were souls before, we chose our human flesh.

We were souls, why can’t you remembr that?

And yet again, you are a human.

And your coping mechanism is to blame someboy else to come out of the guilt yourself.

Well, my coping mechanism is that I don’t care about you from the moment I had this conversation with myself.

Or maybe I unconsciously would care on somedays that I am alone.

But I trust, there will come a time, where I will love myself sooo soo soo much,

That I would proudly be able to say that, I didn’t b;ame you, or anybody else to get out of my suicidal stage.

I blamed myself, then accepted myself, then decided to help myself, change myself, groom myself and bloom myself.

I did all of it on my own.

I did.

And today is the day, that I said, “I love you”, to the trees in my garden, and actually felt it.

And my mother and my father.

I loved them all along, and I had forgotten them, because I am a human, and I did tend to run after shiny things in the past, thinking they were gold.

I am happy with my silvers with diamonds and gold.

This is just a small creative writing that I did.

Hope so you like it.

Lots of love and happiness to everybody reading this

– Sea